Widely praised for his work as artistic director of the 2012 London Olympics opening ceremony, Danny Boyle soon went back to making movies.

His densely plotted psychological thriller TRANCE (15: Twentieth Century Fox) is the story of a fine-art auctioneer (James McAvoy) involved in an audacious plot to steal a Goya painting worth millions.

But he suffers a blow to the head during the robbery and forgets where he’s hidden the canvas, so the heist mastermind (Vincent Cassel) enlists a hypnotherapist (Rosario Dawson) to help unlock his memory.

Further obstacles and mysteries emerge as she delves into his subconscious in a bid to find the lost picture.

While Boyle embraces vintage film noir elements like deception and duplicity, with a high-tech edge, the often confusing plot twists leave the complex yarn on the verge of collapsing in on itself.

McAvoy plays the inside man out of his depth with a nice blend of mischief and wide-eyed innocence, but Cassel’s ruthless crime kingpin makes the biggest impact.

> The ubiquitous Nicolas Cage and director Simon West, who worked together on Con Air, team up again for workmanlike thriller STOLEN (12: Lionsgate).

Cage’s thief, released from prison and determined to go straight, is forced to confront his past when his daughter is kidnapped by an old gang member (Josh Lucas), who demands he hand over $10million they stole together.

The former crook is unable to convince him he doesn’t have the money, so he sets out to rescue the girl, who will be killed if the ransom is not paid within 24 hours.

Meanwhile, a hard-nosed FBI man (Danny Huston) shadows his every move and is ready to pounce.

It’s a well-worn premise and every race-against-time box is ticked, but there are too few surprises and the idea was handled with much more flair in the Liam Neeson action flick Taken.

> A lonely misfit who dreams of escaping to Switzerland accidentally kills his loathsome landlord and tries to cover up the crime in quirky comedy SMALL APARTMENTS (15: Sony).

Matt Lucas ably holds things together as the y-front-wearing loner who wonders how to dispose of the body, while Billy Crystal also has his moments as the alcoholic fire investigator who suspects foul play when a charred corpse is discovered.

Such is the desire to focus on Lucas’s escape with cash provided by his mentally unstable brother that the frantic storyline struggles to make room for the eccentric neighbours.

These oddballs include Johnny Knoxville’s drug-addled 30-something slacker, James Caan’s grumpy artist and Juno Temple’s wannabe Vegas dancer.

> Sinister goings-on in suburbia make life a living hell for a couple and their two sons in taut sci-fi shocker DARK SKIES (15: Momentum).

When unseen forces invade the family home, burglar alarms are tripped, pictures stolen fron frames, flocks of birds crash into the house and the youngest boy is communicating with a shadowy figure he calls ‘The Sandman’.

Is it an alien visitor, and, if so, what are its motives?

The story owes much to Poltergeist, but tends to signpost too many of its scares, jolts and plot twists.

South Beds Dial-A-Ride is to close its operations in Luton from next Monday August 12.

The not for profit company, which has been operating in the town for the past 25 years, takes members who phone to book journeys, to day centres, lunch clubs, therapy centres, medical appointments, hairdressers, friends and shopping trips. Many of their users do not leave their homes unless the dial-a-ride bus comes and picks them up.

Coordinator Dave Barratt commented:“We do understand, in these times of austerity, that councils need to examine their services to balance their books and some cutbacks to front line services are inevitable.” Luton Borough Council is removing the subsidy for concessionary fares from April 2014, say the company, which reduces their funding to the dial-a-ride service by 37% at a stroke.

Having incurred significant financial losses in Luton over the past 2 years, Mr Barratt said: “We would go out of business in 6 months if we did not take urgent action now. If that happened we would not be able to help anybody, anywhere.

“I feel very sorry we have had to take this decision after serving Luton for over 25 years, and this will inevitably be a great disappointment and hinder the independence and social life of many elderly people, disabled people and wheelchair users in Luton. Our passengers and drivers have become friends and I am sure we will all miss each other terribly. I do hope our passengers will somehow find an alternative means to travel, and when they do that it is not too expensive, and above all, I hope they travel safely.”

For the last four years, South Beds Dial A Ride has been successful in increasing the number of passenger journeys in Luton by 35% to 22,000 per year. A recent survey revealed that 97.6% of their members were satisfied with the service. “We hope that these successes might still positively influence the review of community transport currently being undertaken by Luton Borough Council and their level of financial support for the invaluable service we provide”, Mr Barratt said.

But for several years Suth Beds Dial a Ride have been losing money on their Luton operations. In order to be able to continue to provide help for as many people as possible, they will concentrate in future on providing dial-a-ride and public community bus services in Central Bedfordshire which includes Dunstable and Leighton Buzzard.

A motorcycle stunt rider is reunited with his lost love and finally meets his son for the first time in THE PLACE BEYOND THE PINES (15: Studio Canal), a crime melodrama giving Ryan Gosling the chance to exploit his pin-up status.

But it’s also a smart, sprawling and beautifully crafted morality tale about the relationships between men, particularly fathers and sons.

Gosling’s biker character, Handsome Luke, gives up life on the road to support the boy he never knew he had, but he ends up drawn into crime.

Then writer/director Derek Cianfrance, who previously directed Gosling in Blue Valentine, changes lanes in an unexpected way.

He introduces troubled, ambitious cop Avery Cross (Bradley Cooper), who is also facing problems being a father. The last third of the film sees their boys crossing paths in yet another turn of fate.

Most of the movie’s power is derived from its many twists and while it relies a little too much on coincidence, it superbly explores the more sensitive side of the male psyche.

> My heart sank when I heard that Sam Raimi’s 1981 horror classic was being remade by a Uruguayan director making his feature film debut. I wasn’t the only reviewer who asked, ‘What’s the point?’

But fear not, as EVIL DEAD (18: Studio Canal) is a true reboot which captures the spirit of the cult original while tweaking the basic cabin-in-the-woods plot in all the right places.

Five friends are in a remote forest to help one of their number kick her drug habit. Her ravings about demons are seen as symptoms of cold turkey withdrawal until proceedings take a dark turn into full malevolent and mutilating possession after an ancient book of the dead is quoted.

Although the energy drops off a little between the splatter, this maniacal nightmare pulls out all the stops in the top-drawer scare and hardcore gore departments.

> The sectarian struggles of Northern Ireland in the late 1970s seems an unlikely backdrop for a feel-good comedy drama.

Yet GOOD VIBRATIONS (15: Universal), a biopic of Belfast music promoter Terri Hooley, is an exciting reminder of the power of rock.

Small-time DJ Hooley (Richard Dormer) launches a record shop on a wing and a prayer, branching out into record production when unsigned local bands start pouring through his door.

Only the Undertones, whose song Teenage Kicks was a flagship release for Hooley’s Good Vibrations label, ever really dented the charts.

But this charming film isn’t so much bothered with his success on a grand scale as it is with the way he reinvigorated a city at war.

With Hooley as Pied Piper, it shows how the city’s music fans did everything the politicians couldn’t, coming together – all faiths and backgrounds – to beat an unlikely path for the peace process to follow.

> Hard-hitting suspense shocker THE SEASONING HOUSE (18: Kaleidoscope) is clearly influenced by Alfred Hitchcock and Roman Polanski.

A deaf-mute Balkans orphan is kidnapped and forced to work in a brothel, looking after the women who have been imprisoned there as sex slaves for the military.

She puts her knowledge of the building’s crawl-spaces to use in planning revenge against those responsible for her suffering. The horror is harrowing, the splatter murders startling and the claustrophobia strongly evoked.

A man is in a critical condition after an assault in Whipperley Ring yesterday (August 8).

The incident happened at 5.30pm when the victim was found with serious head injuries.

One person was arrested and police are asking for witnesses to contact them.

A Beds Police spokesman said: “Officers were called to a report of an assault at a property in Whipperley Ring,

“One man has been arrested in connection with this incident but officers are keen to hear from anyone who may have witnessed the assault or may have any further information.”

The victim was taken to hospital where he remains in a critical condition.

Call Beds Police on 101 with information.

A drop in visitor numbers is being blamed for the closure of Luton’s Visitor Information Centre in November.

The centre, based in Luton Central Library in St George’s Square, is currently run by the charity Luton Culture and supported by funding from London Luton Airport Ltd.

Visitor numbers fell by more than 12,000 in 2012-13 compared to the previous year according to council figures.

A Luton council spokesperson said: “Staff at the Visitor Information Centre have been cheerfully helping people for over 20 years. But sadly, the drop in enquiries means that with so much information available online and elsewhere it is difficult to justify the funding to keep the centre open, especially with the need to focus funding on maintaining essential services such as protecting vulnerable children and older people.”

There are five members of staff who will lose their jobs, but Luton Cultural Trust will make every effort to help them find alternative posts within the organisation where possible.

Peadar McKenna of Nappsbury Road wrote to council leader Hazel Simmons to complain about the closure.

He said: “I visited the Visitor Information Centre this morning, there was a long queue outside the door, mostly people from overseas wanting to use this service.

“Luton needs tourists, this is a university town, with a population of approximately 165,000 residents, and the town needs the Visitor Information Centre... the benefits of their services they offer is intangible, if there is a need for subsidy, it should be given, since the council in the past has wasted money on useless projects, but this service is a benefit for all the communities, unlike some of the other useless projects.”

Some transport information and tourism brochures will be available from the Town Hall from December onwards.

National Express tickets are already available from www.nationalexpress.co.uk or from at their offices at Luton Airport.

Rail tickets and information is available from Luton Railway Station or www.nationalrail.co.uk

Tourist information can also be found at www.luton.gov.uk and www.experiencebedfordshire.co.uk

For those of you not on holiday this month – or not so busy watering neighbour’s gardens to be able to do more in your own than water and mow the lawn – August can be a good time to try something new in the garden.

If you have lots of fruit or vegetables to harvest, have you tried looking for a recipe to use them in? Lavender can be used to flavour biscuits; tomatoes can be made into a simple fresh sauce if you’re getting a bit over whelmed. Courgettes too can be never ending, but have you tried harvesting them when they are tiny? They add a bit of fun to a stir fry or a tray of roasted veg and are tastier than larger ones.

Summer herbs can be cut into small amounts, added with a drop of water and frozen in ice cubes to use in the winter. It’s odd to think about winter now, but with gardening planning is key.

Another pleasure of the winter season is being able to have the scent and colour of hyacinths around the house, which will feel like a small miracle when everything else is bare; and now is the time to plant them in pretty containers.

Once they have grown a shoot about 2.5cm, they need a cool room to wait for the right time. Why not prepare several for gifts?

Going back to the here and now, on warm days keep an eye on greenhouses and make sure they are ventilated. It is amazing how hot they can get and how quickly plants will dry out. Outside too, even overcast days can suck moisture out of plants and a windy day can be worse for this than anything else.

If you want more ideas of how to develop the use of herbs in your garden and kitchen, there are Herbal Workshops on Tuesday mornings throughout August. Contact details are below.

Follow the Walled Garden on Twitter @HoosGarden or join the ‘Luton Hoo Walled Garden’ page on Facebook.

The start of the summer holidays is a good time to look at what the country has achieved over the last year and to thank those who have made it possible. Let me start by thanking the men and women who have worked hard to produce the economic growth to pay for all the public services we rely on.

Doctors, nurses and health care workers are carrying out 400,000 more operations each year leading to fewer people waiting 18, 26 and 52 weeks for treatment. MRSA and C Difficile infections have also been greatly reduced.

Our teachers continue to give every single child the opportunity to make the most of their talents, wherever they are from.

Our police officers have cut crime by over 10% throughout England and Bedfordshire.

Our Central Bedfordshire councillors and council officers have frozen council tax for three years, which is a 10% fall in real terms.

I started by thanking all those who had helped our economy grow. Locally that includes firms like the Gti Corporation in Houghton Regis who continue to create new jobs. I am also incredibly proud that my constituency is home to Whitbreads in Houghton Regis, the owners of Costa Coffee and Premier Inns, among other brands. Recently Whitbreads announced that they will be creating 12,000 new jobs over the next five years which is fantastic news.

Last week I visited Central Bedfordshire College for a graduation ceremony for unemployed people who had completed a skills course guaranteeing them an interview with a hospitality sector employer.

I am especially pleased at the increasing numbers of apprenticeships that are being offered. 100,000 new premises are being connected to superfast Broadband every week and this will increase in Central Bedfordshire over the next few months.

Jobstoday have opened registration for their latest national Virtual Careers Fair to connect talented job seekers to local and national employers.

The Virtual Careers Fair, is an online platform where job seekers can browse top companies from across the UK, connect in a real time environment and apply for advertised vacancies; all for FREE and from the comfort of their computers.

Proven a popular platform with both employers and job seekers alike, the 12 day fair will take place from the 2nd September to the 13

Exciting online features include chat and video technology; businesses can bring to life their vacancies while job seekers can speak to employers to really show off their skills and expertise to help them land their next job.

Job seekers can also take advantage of the compatibility test which allows them to find out which companies are most suited to them.

A wide range of employers will be attending to suit every candidate’s needs – great businesses already booked to attend include Nationwide and Sodexo.

The pre-registration process will guarantee registrants entry to the event ensuring they don’t miss out.

Plus, all job seekers who register before September 2 are entered into a free prize draw to win an iPad Mini.

Joanne Harwood, Group Category Manager at Johnston Press who own the Luton Herald & Post, said: “Our aim is to help candidates and employers to connect all over the country.

“With busy lifestyles searching for that perfect job can be a time-consuming exercise, especially when trying to juggle existing work commitments.

“A virtual experience, which results in the same outcome by helping job seekers find better opportunities at the convenience of their homes, can only benefit job seekers.”

Job seekers interested in the fair are encouraged to sign up for free today at www.jobstodaycareerfair.com to ensure they are guaranteed entry from the 2 Businesses can find out how to get involved by contacting 0114 299 6173 or emailing info@jobstoday.co.uk.

The ambulance service received 15 emergency 999 calls from people had been stung by wasps or bees on Wednesday (August 7).

None of the calls were from people who had suffered a severe allergic reaction to the sting and no one required transport to hospital or further treatment from ambulance crews.

The East of England Ambulance Service NHS Trust (EEAST) is asking people to think before calling 999 when they get bitten or stung.

Marcus Bailey, Consultant Paramedic for EEAST, said: “Most insect bites and stings, although they can be painful, are not dangerous and can be treated at home. In order to help reduce the volume of 999 calls and to improve the availability of ambulances to those members of the public who are suffering from serious illnesses and injuries, we’re urging people to consider whether their sting is really an emergency.

“In the majority of cases, stings can be treated at home in the first instant. If your symptoms persist over several days then we’d advise you to contact your GP. Alternatively your local pharmacist may be able to advise you further on what treatment would be best for you.”

EEAST has issued some basic tips on how to treat bites and stings at home in order to help reduce the 999 calls they receive on the issues.

Marcus said: “To treat a bite or sting at home, try washing it with water and applying a cold compress to help reduce itchiness and swelling. For bee stings, you can remove the sting itself with tweezers. If it’s painful, over-the-counter tablets such as antihistamines and paracetamol can help. There are also creams and sprays available at the pharmacist.

“Naturally there are some cases when someone will suffer a severe allergic reaction to a sting. If there is swelling or itching anywhere else on the body after being bitten or stung, or if the person is wheezing or have difficulty swallowing, they may need emergency medical treatment so it’s vital in these cases that 999 is dialled as soon as possible.”

EEAST receives more than 2,500 calls a day over the six counties that it covers. It has three Health and Emergency Operation Centres (HEOCs) which run 24 hours a day handling a wide range of emergency calls from cardiac arrests, road traffic collisions, strokes, and many more.

For more information on when to dial 999 and alternative options to calling 999, visit: http://www.eastamb.nhs.uk/about-us/999-service.htm

A woman who stole meat from a shop whilst with a young child is shown in CCTV images released by police today .

The incident happened in the Co-operative in Whipperley Ring, Luton at 12.30pm on July 3.

The woman, who was pushing a young child in a pushchair, entered the store, put numerous cold meats in a carrier bag and then left the shop without making any attempt to pay for the items.

Call the Crime Service Team in confidence if you recognise this woman on 101 quoting crime reference number C/23334/2013.

A woman from Toddington is desperate to retrieve family heirlooms which were stolen while she was on holiday.

Caron Kendall returned home on July 16 to find items including silver candlesticks and an Apple Mac computer missing.

Strangely the burglars had not ransacked the house and had left many things worth significantly more money.

Caron said: “I am really devastated that the candlesticks have gone. I am Jewish and my family have said Shabbat prayers round these candles every Friday for 100 years. I took them from my late father’s home when he died a few months ago, to keep them safe. I am desperately upset.”

The 18 inch solid silver candlesticks are quite unique and ornate. Two pieces from a four-piece solid silver tea service set were also stolen.

Caron said: “The idiocy is it would have been really valuable as a set, but just two items halved the value. It’s a really ridiculous thing to do.”

The stolen computer was left on Caron’s doorstep a few days later, possibly because her husband had blocked it so no one else could use it.

Caron said: “We know who they are, but all we want is our heirlooms back. It feels like a great tragedy, and it has made me quite ill because I lost my father, I’ve been trying to deal with that and this pushed me over the edge. If anyone has information about the items I would be very grateful if they could get in touch.”

This message comes to you from the home of international broadcasting and the world famous nerve centre for all things chat, That’s right, North Norfolk Digital…

I’m Alan Partridge (A-ha!) and this is my trusty sidekick Simon (Tim Key) and today we’ll be asking the important questions. Which are the worse kind of mongers – iron, fish, or war? And for all my fans out there I’m delighted to let you know that I’ll be appearing at your local cinema this week.

Yes, Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa is the long-awaited big screen debut for Norfolk’s one-man chat machine, and this is his most desperate hour.

His beloved radio station has been taken over by corporate giants who plan to rebrand North Norfolk Digital as ‘Shape FM – the way you want it to be’.

With cost-cutting high on the agenda the new board decide that either Alan or equally uncool DJ Pat Farrell (Colm ‘Gene Hunt in the US version of Life on Mars’ Meaney) must go. Of course, Alan wastes no time in telling them: “Just sack Pat!”

Alas, after being given 30 minutes to clear his desk, Pat goes on a violent gun rampage at the radio station and takes hostages.

To make matters worse, he’ll only negotiate with the police through his old broadcasting buddy Alan.

So the scene is set for massive misadventure on a scale that only our smart casual jumper-wearing hero can deal with.

And the good news is that it’s an absolute blast of Alan-esque comedy as he bumbles his way through a life and death situation which might just bag him the prized breakfast show – as long as he survives.

It’s packed with laugh out loud moments and a genuinely witty script that jams in cutting social jibes such as when he advises Simon: “Never criticise Muslims. Only ever Christians, and maybe the Jews a little bit.” You’ll be busy spotting the visual gags as well as cringing at Partridge’s self-obsessed foolishness.

The action cracks along to a startling climax, which along the way sees Alan making a trouserless appearance on national TV news and the excellent Felicity Montagu back as Alan’s long-suffering assistant Lynn, who herself becomes something of a media sensation.

British TV comedy doesn’t always work as a cinematic experience but Steve Coogan’s greatest creation is on top form here and there’s plenty to relish for long-term fans as well as newcomers to the whole Alan Partridge phenomenon.

Central Bedfordshire Council’s Trading Standards team has taken action against a rogue trader.

Peter Dennis English, 39, of Chesford Road, Stopsley, Luton, trading as PDE Kitchens pleaded guilty to fraud on August 1.

He was imprisoned for six weeks, suspended for 12 months, ordered to observe a curfew between 7pm and 7am, having to wear an electronic tag for the curfew period. In addition, the court directed him to pay costs of £3,047.

Luton Magistrates Court heard how English was contacted by Mr and Mrs Hundal, both school teachers from Eaton Bray, about installing a new kitchen in their home. English gave the price to supply and install the kitchen of £15,312, which they paid up front in March 2011.

Following ongoing delays, including English giving information about his own and others’ health which purportedly prevented him going on site, the council’s Trading Standards team were called in during August 2012. The team were able to establish that the couple’s kitchen had never been ordered.

The couple, speaking after the sentencing, said: “We believe this judgement will have an impact on Mr English and sends a powerful message to dishonest traders.”

Cllr Ian Dalgarno, Deputy Executive Member for Sustainable Communities – Services, said: “Rogue traders and other door step criminals should know by now that if they try to ply their trade in Central Bedfordshire they will be investigated and brought to account by our officers.

If you have any information about rogue trader or door step crime activity please call the dedicated hotline on 08454 04 05 06.

Luton Roma families are being taught literacy and English language in their own homes as part of a project to integrate them into the UK.

The programme, which started in June, is being funded by the Luton & Bedfordshire Community Foundation.

It has the blessing of Bushmead Christchurch vicar Martin Burrell, who is chaplain to gipsies, travellers and Roma for the diocese of St Albans.

Co-ordinator Rachel Humphris, 27, is overseeing the work as part of her PhD research at Oxford University.

Her interest was ignited in 2007 when she was working as stage manager with a Roma group.

“I really enjoyed being with them,” she said.

A dedicated band of 10 volunteers of all ages and backgrounds has undergone relevant training with Luton Adult Learning. They’ve already struck up good relationships with the families they’ve been placed with.

Rachel said: “The amount of time they spend with them will depend on their skill levels which range from completely literate to having no literacy at all. It’s a minimum of one hour a week.”

She added: “The project will run for two years but we hope it will continue as long as people need it.”

> For more information email martin@christchurch-bushmead.org.uk

Pic on email I’ll forward separately: Rachel is the one in the striped top with her elbow on the chair.

Martin’s number is 01582 454081

Rachel’s number is 07854080571

Pip! Pip!

A decision by a transport charity to pull out of the town has taken Luton Borough Council by surprise.

South Beds Dial-A-Ride announced last week it was pulling its services in the town from Monday, after it says the council planned to pull its subsidy.

But the council expressed its surprise and has agreed for Shopmobility to take over.

Cllr Mohammed Hussain, portfolio holder for Adult Social Care in Luton, said: “We were very surprised by South Beds Dial A Ride’s sudden decision to close the service in Luton and grateful to Shopmobility for stepping in to the breach.

Announcing the closure Dial a Ride coordinator Dave Barratt said:“We do understand, in these times of austerity, that councils need to examine their services to balance their books and some cutbacks to front line services are inevitable.”

Luton Borough Council is removing the subsidy for concessionary fares from April 2014, say the company, which reduces their funding to the dial-a-ride service by 37% at a stroke.

Mr Barratt said: “We would go out of business in six months if we did not take urgent action now. If that happened we would not be able to help anybody, anywhere.

“I feel very sorry we have had to take this decision after serving Luton for over 25 years, and this will inevitably be a great disappointment and hinder the independence and social life of many elderly people, disabled people and wheelchair users in Luton. Our passengers and drivers have become friends and I am sure we will all miss each other terribly. I do hope our passengers will somehow find an alternative means to travel, and when they do that it is not too expensive, and above all, I hope they travel safely.”

Customers of SBDAR who had booked a journey on or after Monday, are being advised to contact Shopmobility on 01582 738936, open every week day from 9am-2pm or the Council’s Passenger Transport Office on 01582 547219, 8am-5pm.

My guilty TV treats are few, but I have to admit that Masterchef is among them.

I know it’s all as much an assembly-line exercise in entertainment as any other successful format, and follows a formula as slavishly as trainee sous-chefs have to precisely plate up their main courses to look delightful rather than delicious, but I like it.

From Gregg Wallace diving headlong into a dessert and John Torode doing that little cock of the head Jack Russell thing that means his tastebuds are not exactly tingling, all the way through to the big reveal when you try to predict who’s going to get the boot this time round, I’m in.

However, I am always left uneasy by the continuing question of the third plate.

Those in the Masterchef massive will know that one of the regular rounds involves the contestants cooking a two course meal for a waiting trio of experts – they could be restaurant critics, they could be previous celeb contestants. You may have noticed in the current season that tireless spotlight hogger Christine Hamilton, she of the scandal-hit MP hubby, always seems to be able to juggle her calendar when there’s a chance of a free bit of scoff.

Anyway, the sweating chefs slave through their recipes, all the time being reminded that cooking doesn’t get any tougher than this – it does, by the way, as anyone who has ever been camping with picky kids can testify – and then they dish up four plates. Three are for the guests, one is for John and Gregg. All clear so far?

Then there’s a follow shot as the trembling trier takes two plates on a long walk, and through some tricky swing doors, to lay their efforts before their diners.

And then they get straight on to the second course, while the third plate has magically appeared before the third critic and they are chowing down.

How did it get there? Does the contestant dash back to the kitchen and fetch it? It’s a long way, it’ll probably be cold by the time it gets back. Does a helpful runner bring it along? Does it magically levitate?

There are two ways they can go with this – either raid the petty cash and provide a little trolley so all three plates can be transported at once, or make carrying three plates in professional waiter style part of the test, and build in a little jeopardy.

In fact, the programme would be considerably enlivened by the addition of an obstacle course between kitchen and table, and the possibility of a full crash to the floor calamity before anyone got fed.

Then the test would be to come up with a replacement at five minutes’ notice, and trying not to fall back on beans on toast. And cooking, if you ask me, doesn’t get much tougher than that...

The OM group’s Archery programme has been creating greater unity by bringing together people from different communities in Luton with participants ranging from ages 10 to 70. 
The archery classes are taught as part of a four-week course every Thursday at Shree Sanatan Seva Samaj Mandir. The project initiative came from Luton Council of Faiths.

Jay Parmar, Jai Tailor and Krishan Tailor, who instruct the lessons, completed an Accredited Archery Instructors Course run by Archery GB.

Niraj Shah, who attended the first set of sessions said; “What do Legolas, Robin Hood, Hawk Eye and Princess Merida all have in common? They’re awesome archers! Come down, grab a bow and be an awesome archer too. Open to everyone, it’s fun, local, you meet new people- what more could you want!” The next classes start on Thursday, August 22, for a four-week session. Contact Jay Parmar by emailing info@om-unity.com.

Two people have been charged following an assault in Whipperley Ring which left a man fighting for his life.

James Early and Stuart Docherty, both 39, appeared before Luton Magistrates Court on Saturday charged with a section 18 GBH.

They were released on bail to return to Luton Magistrates Court at a date yet to be arranged.

The incident happened at about 5.30pm in Whipperley Ring on August 8.

The victim, a 45-year-oldman, was found with serious head injuries.

One person was arrested at the scene and police are asking for witnesses to contact them.

A Beds Police spokesman said: “Officers were called to a report of an assault at a property in Whipperley Ring.

“One man has been arrested in connection with this incident but officers are keen to hear from anyone who may have witnessed the assault or may have any further information.”

The victim was taken to hospital where he remains in a critical condition.

A Beds Police spokesperson said yesterday: “The person is extremely poorly, still in a serious condition.”

Call Beds Police on 101 with information.

Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg in a cop drama? Now that sounds like a grown-up movie.

Both stars have built up a body of work that includes a whole string of intense, conflicted law enforcement officers and others who live on the edge and don’t play by the rules. The two of them together should be a real tough treat, shouldn’t it?

Hang on, it’s a comedy. An action comedy. What, like Bad Boys? Say it ain’t so...

2 Guns finds our two heroes, members of separate crimebusting teams, both working undercover in the same Mexican narcotics syndicate.

Guess what? Neither has any idea that the other is one of good guys, too.

It starts getting complicated when they are involved in a heist that nets millions.

They think the money belongs to the mobsters, but actually it belongs to yet another government agency and now everybody is after the duo.

As you would expect, they have to put their mutual mistrust to one side and team up in the face of the deadly threat bearing down on both of them.

You’ll know all you need to know about the level this is pitched at when you learn that Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn were attached to the lead roles in the early stages of the development process.

It’s enjoyable enough, there are plenty of gags and bangs, but it has to go down as a missed opportunity when you look at the talent on the table.

The original Kick-Ass was a sweet if not spectacular twist on the superhero genre, but everyone went mad for it so we Kick-Ass 2.

Jim Carrey joins the cast as geeky crimefighter Aaron Taylor-Johnson and pint-sized colleague Chloe Grace Moretz try to return to normal lives after their adventures in the first film, but are soon sucked back into the weird world of wannabe superheroes.

The violence is cranked up from the first film, the dialogue is darker and dirtier, and the charm that helped carry the original through is largely replaced by formula thrills.

Cleared for landing this week is Planes, which is basically Cars with wings, a family-friendly animation heavy on the anthropomorphic machines.

Our hero is a plucky crop duster wants to take part in greatest round-the-world air race in history, but he’s not exactly built for endurance and he’s scared of heights. Can he do it? No prizes for guessing...

Unusually there isn’t a stellar cast of famous names adding their voices to the party, although there are character cameos by the likes of John Cleese and Val Kilmer.

The big name here, of course, is Disney, so you know exactly what you’re getting.

Jim Carrey has refused to take part in promoting Kick-Ass 2 because he believes the finished film is too violent.

Watch the video report to hear from fellow cast members Chloe Moretz and Chris Mintz-Plasse and director Jeff Wadlow.

Simply Sims by Steve Sims of the Luton News:

I’m not one for cleaning the car. My wife will tell you it’s a job I get around to a couple of times a year at best.

So it really angers me when usually just days after I’ve had the pressure washer out, I see vehicles on the road which shoot out plumes of black exhaust smoke and render my efforts a complete waste of time.

Just last Tuesday evening after a late finish at work on Luton News deadline day, I was picked up by my ‘taxi’ sevice (aka Mr or Mrs Sims Senior).

As we followed a bus along Old Bedford Road, it was shooting out polluting clouds of thick smoke every time the driver changed gear and accelerated.

A poor woman standing on the junction of North Street got a faceful as she left the shop there. Perhaps if this vehicle is normally deployed to this bus route the shop could consider selling gas masks given many other pedestrians must have suffered similarly.

I whipped out my video phone to capture the pollution. So after you’ve laughed at ‘Gordon’ visiting Jimmy’s check it out on lutontoday too.

This is an extract from Steve’s weekly column in the Luton News every Wednesday.